Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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