That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
