Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize