How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
