you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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