Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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