I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
