I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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