On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize