You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
a search helicopter?!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
