a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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