i'm signing you up for texting rehab
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i think im in europe. pls send help
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