My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
