literally had 100 drinks last night.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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