This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
