My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
