I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
