if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
