so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
