If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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