I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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