Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
