How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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