Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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