he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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