Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
