Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
