I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
