four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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