I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
