you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
