Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
