You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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