I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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