i would punch a child for taco bell
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
