At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
