Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We need to rekindle our bromance
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize