Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
