apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize