This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
