She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
