I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
