I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
