i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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