New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
