it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
