Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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