if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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