I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
