I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
