Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
