You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
