i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
