It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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