I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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