so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
