She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
