does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
