woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
