So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
