When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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