oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
